Right Said Fred

With the recent death of Bernard Cribbins it is only appropriate that his most notable work - the song Right Said Fred - should receive renewed critical acclaim. It is a deep and meaningful piece, often misunderstood, with both political and existential domains. In terms of economy it is staggering; Miles and Rudge (the alleged authors of the lyrics) manage to explore a wide range of themes in the two minutes and twenty seconds running time of the song. 

You are exhorted to listen to the song again on YouTube or some other appropriate social media site before proceeding further.

The song opens with two men trying to lift a heavy object. The object is not specified but appears to be an item of furniture, however there is an obvious symbolism at work here in that throughout the song the object clearly represents the burden of the working classes and (as we discover as the narrative progresses) the impossibility of ever achieving an outcome or an end to their labours. In this respect there are allusions to the myth of sisyphus.

"Right, " said Fred, "Both of us together
One each end and steady as we go."
Tried to shift it, couldn't even lift it
We was getting nowhere
And so we had a cuppa tea

Is the opening stanza. Where to begin? The workers are united and collaborating - "one each end and steady as we go" shows the respect that working men have for each other and their desire to achieve a task which we will later discover is impossible. "Getting nowhere" is of course a metaphor for the human condition. Indeed the whole song proceeds in a Pinteresque vain of pointless effort without the intervention of a benevolent higher authority. There is no god, just a sense of Waiting For Godot.

A recurring theme throughout the song is the cup - or rather cuppa - of tea. This is a wonderful device that grounds the whole enterprise in everyday experience. As Niya Vatel has pointed out "drinking tea is much more than simply pouring hot water over a tea bag from your local grocery store. The practice of drinking tea can be a gateway to communing with yourself and, in the right setting, it creates space for you to reach a new level of intention, reflection and mindfulness." (The fact that she owns a tea distribution company should not detract from this statement). The desire to stop and seek meaning is inherent in the human species.

At this point Fred decides to call up their co-worker Charlie from the floor below. Why he is on the floor below is not explained. There is a possibility that "the floor below" represents the underworld of Greek mythology and that Charlie is being asked to return to assist with some unfinished business. Regardless 

Up comes Charlie from the floor below
After strainin', heavin' and complainin'
We was getting nowhere
And so we had a cuppa tea

There is a crucial point to note here. Fred and Charlie are both identified but the narrator remains nameless and mysterious. As we shall see later his concluding remarks hint that he has agency where the other two do not. Indeed he could be seen to be a sinister figure, depending on your viewpoint.

And Charlie had a think, and he thought we ought to take off all the handles

And the things wot held the candles

But it did no good, well I never thought it would

Reinforces this view. "I never thought it would" suggests a degree of inside knowledge as though both Charlie and Fred are being manipulated by the unnamed narrator who may be a dark angel of the deus et machina  behind this reality. Removing the handles is a way of removing agency and taking away the "things wot held the candles" suggests the snuffing out of hope: without candles there is no light.

"All right, " said Fred, "Have to take the feet off
To get them feet off wouldn't take a mo"
Took its feet off, even took the seat off
Should have got us somewhere but no!
So Fred said, "Let's have another cuppa tea"
And we said, "right-o."

"Seat" and "Feet" both have enormous symbolic significance. Anatomically and in terms of authority they are words that ground and connect us to the earth and create a sense of order in the cosmos. Removing them is undoubtedly a portent of chaos. Both terms are also highly sexualised and the removal of these items suggests a form of erotic castration. Fred and Charlie are arguably de-manning themselves voluntarily like eunuchs in the court of a Chinese emperor. They will forego their right to procreate in order to complete the task for a higher authority.

"Alright, " said Fred, "Have to take the door off
Need more space to shift the so-and-so."
Had bad twinges taking off the hinges
And it got us nowhere
And so we had a cuppa tea

There have been many different interpretations of this stanza. Doors have an obvious symbolism but the result of removing them is unclear. Arguably it reinforces the sense of impending chaos and thus doom. Removing doors is a an act both absurd and dangerous. It hints of desperation.

And Charlie had a think, and he said, "Look, Fred
I've got a sort of feelin'
If we remove the ceiling
With a rope or two we could drop the blighter through."
"All right, " said Fred, climbing up a ladder
With his crowbar gave a mighty blow
Was he in trouble, half a ton of rubble landed on the top of his dome

And so the song reaches its inevitable conclusion. The weight of history descends upon the ordinary working man. Death is inevitable (although not talked about and thus taboo). Ropes are of course associated with hangmen and executioners. Charlie is consigning Fred to the underworld in his place - perhaps not knowingly but certainly dispassionately and arguably even brutally ("So Charlie and me had another cuppa tea / And then we went home").

Suddenly the song becomes a simple everyday voice:

I said to Charlie, "We'll just have to leave it
Standing on the landing, that's all
You see the trouble with Fred is, he's too hasty
You'll never get nowhere if you're too hasty."

The whole affair descends to the level of ennui and judgementalism. Worker solidarity is forgotten. Fred is dead. Charlie is in thrall to the unnamed narrator. The message is clear: do not confront either the established social order or the cosmos. If you do the roof will fall in.